December 23, 2017


I have always loved birthdays. The celebration, wishes, prayers, and also presents! Maybe it is the way I was raised make me enjoy birthdays so much. My parents - my dad especially, will try to fulfill my wishes and turn it into the best day ever. 

"What do I want for my birthday?" is honestly my favorite question hahaha. I would think thoroughly three months in advance about what should I get. 

I remember getting the cutest crocs sandal in pink because apparently, it was the thing that all 12 years old should have. On my 14th birthday, I asked for a concert ticket from my dad and that was how I got to see B2ST, 4Minute and G.Na. When I got into uni, makeups have since been a constant addiction and now you can see my priorities have changed hahaha.

On my 21st birthday, I couldn't celebrate it with my family because it was in Week 14 and I was busy with assignments and final tests. My parents called a day before, saying sorry they couldn't come to see me at Shah Alam and I didn't really mind because I had so many things to do.

Oh yes, I had two final tests and a final presentation on my birthday sobs. I was excited for my birthday in the first place but I just wanted to get everything done with. I had no plan whatsoever.

So, few minutes before 12am I facetimed my dad and my sister. They wished me and I had a conversation with them and I was asked, 

Ayah: dah dapat bunga ke belum?
Me: takde siapa nak bagi la ayah

Anyway, I did not find anything suspicious. I just thought my dad was being sarcastic to me so I continued studying after they hung up. Suddenly my housemates turned off the lights..


I didn't know if I was wearing the sash right hahaha

My friends showed up with a huge bouquet of flowers, a crown, a sash and a cake! I was like OMG GUYS??? You have no idea what my face looked like when Bella told me these. were. all. planned. by. my. parents. Like, wow I had no idea my parents can pull of something like this??? My 50 years old parents??? Crieeeeeees. No wonder he asked whether I already got them!

Well few months before, I joked with my dad saying on my birthday, I will get myself a bouquet of flowers and a crown because I have no boyfriend to get me one hahaha. Little did I know, my dad is THE boyfriend :')

I was so touched that my dad paid attention to my petty joke. He asked my mom to contact my friends to get help from them. I read their conversation on WhatsApp. When my friends were asking my mom to choose the flowers, she said, "tak kisah mana-mana, asalkan kakak happy." Oh my God.

I cried, of course. This meant so much more than a huge celebration and presents. It was more meaningful to me that my parents planned all these. Despite the constant feeling to drown myself in a pool during the busiest week in the semester, I wouldn't have it in another way. It was nice to be reminded that I was loved and remembered when I was super exhausted :')

Last year, my friends surprised me at my house and they teamed up with my parents. This time, my parents teamed up with my friends! Hahaha. May Allah grants the highest Jannah for both of them for always making me feel special in every way. Forever thankful, sooo blessed. Alhamdulillah.

November 8, 2017


I procrastinate a lot in uni. I was not like this when I was in high school.

When I was in high school, I was this nerd who couldn't even curse in Malay. I mean, I can say 'fuck' and the rest of its associates.. but I couldn't spit the word 'pukimak' out of my mouth because it felt so wrong hahaha. I couldn't even say 'tetek' because it sounded so disturbing? But hey now I can! I had this belief that cursing in Malay is really on an another level compared to English.

I was that one friend who was so innocent in the sense that everything my friends said, I believed them. Or should I say, lurus bendul. I was so sensitive that every time I got angry, I cried. These days, if something pisses me off, I get even angrier. Sometimes when I stand up boldly, they misunderstood my confidence with rudeness.

I often get this notion a lot, "I miss the old you"

When I hear the same thing all over again like a broken record, of course I am offended. I like me now. I liked the way I was too, didn't you?

Is it the way I pick my outfit? Is it because I put on some colors on my face? How does my 'transition' changes the way I treat people? Funny how they are all the same people who constantly told me to grow up. I was not like everything I am today 4 years ago, thanks to you. Is it because I prioritize myself first, that people started to feel a huge gap when they are around me?

PSA, people changes.

I used to write every single thing on this platform. All of my happy moments, I buried them here because keeping a physical diary is such a hassle. Come to think of it, when was the last time I penned down my adventure here? Truth hurts. I only visit here when I need someone to talk to. Now I no longer fear the world, have I started taking everything for granted?

Is change a good thing? Should I feel sorry about it?

I honestly do not know, too.

August 21, 2016


I have my favorite Olympians, I can name a few - local and World record breaking champions, but there's this one guy who was so extraordinary in my early teenage years and still am. This is gonna be a very lengthy post, I appreciate it if you guys read it till the end. Hehe.

Michael Phelps after winning 4x100m freestly relay in Beijing 2008

He is Michael Fred Phelps II - the greatest and the most decorated Olympian of all time. Why? Because he has won 28 Olympics medals which 23 of them are Gold. Constantly breaking World and Olympic records.

Athens 2004 - 6 Gold, 2 Bronze. 
Beijing 2008 - 8 Gold. 
London 2012 - 4 Gold, 2 Silver. 
Rio 2016 - 5 Gold, 1 Silver.

I know right? He couldn't be THAT good. I thought the same thing too when he won 8 Gold in Beijing 2008. There were rumors saying that he might be taking the performance-enhancing drugs. I actually believed and quite heartbroken hearing it. However, Phelps passed all nine tests that were administered to him during the games. Yayyyy! So much respect for him. Thus, I keep on rooting for him since Beijing, then London and now Rio.

Everyone has flaws, and that includes Phelps. Since he was little, he was diagnosed with ADHD. He also had problems with his father, Fred. There was a photo of him with bong and he immediately apologized because of his inappropriate behavior. Charged with speeding and driving under alcohol - twice. Battled with depression, announcing his retirement, went to rehab to have some soul searching (not for alcohol addiction, mind you) and finally he's back on track. 

He announced that London 2012 will be his last Olympic games but then, he reversed his decision. Phelps said that he wanted to do Olympics for one last time. Of course, he did - with amazing records. He started his Olympic gold haul with 4x100m freestyle relay. On Day 4, he competed in 200m butterfly to add another Gold medal in his collection.

In case you did not know, in the previous Olympic games - London 2012, he lost to Chad le Clos (South Africa) with 0.05s difference. Chad le Clos won Gold in London 2012, Phelps won Silver. It was shocking to everyone because Phelps was expected to win. Thus, in Rio 2016 he promised to bring back the Gold.  Did he win? He did it again! Chad le Clos was placed fourth in the race. Also, on the same day, 70 minutes after winning 200m butterfly, he won Gold too in 4x200m freestyle relay.



Michael Phelps was so determined to win until his #PhelpsFace broke the internet. Ok a little bit explanation on the meme. Both Phelps and Chad le Clos were waiting in the call room. Chad le Clos was.. I don't know - distracting or just doing his routine before competing. There he was, Phelps giving his death stare to his rival. Ok so after the race, Phelps explained that we wasn't giving any stare, he was just in his own bubble, listening to his playlist. Anyway, that is Chad le Clos. So cute, right? Haha.

Moving on, he also won Gold in 200m individual medley (combination of breaststroke, backstroke, butterfly and freestyle). Damn, I could not even swim. With this victory, he has won fourth consecutive Gold since Athens 2004. Phew, too much Gold, isn't it? The number one questions, is it true that Phelps cannot be defeated?

Joseph Schooling from Singapore has proven us wrong. In the 100m butterfly race, he beat Michael Phelps, Chad le Clos and Laszlo Cseh, leaving these three rivals tied in Silver. Instead of being disappointed, Phelps was all smiling and proud of Schooling. Saying that he will support him in the future. I mean like, just look at the pictures. I have never seen someone losing who are so happy like that. Before the race started, I was so proud Singapore made it to final. (Singapore is Malaysia's neighbour, so yea representing SEA!). 

On that time, I had no idea who was Joseph Schooling. I did not even know his name, I only called him "Singapore".

And then, after not more than a minute, Singapore won Gold in the race and.. startled me. My only concern is I was afraid if Phelps would be disappointed in winning Silver just like when Chad le Clos beat him in London 2012. After all, 100m butterfly was the final race in his individual career. However the triple Silver medalist were laughing all by themselves when they saw the scoreboard. I have never been much happier when I saw him, Chad le Clos and Laszlo Cseh holding hands at the podium, smiling and waving to everyone. That is how champions managed their defeat.

"OMG guys three of us won Silver?"

On Day 8, Phelps and his teammates won another Gold in 4x100m medley relay and breaking the Olympic record. 

It was Michael Phelps final appearance at the Olympic games. As soon as team USA won Gold in the relay, he put up his hands and said thank you. I was so emotional on that time :( 16 years, 5 Olympics. After all these years, this time is finally the end. Of course, once upon a time Phelps said London would be his final race but he did came back for Rio. He wanted to do Olympics for one more time. Will he do it again, will he come back for four more years? I have a little faith that he will be coming back for Tokyo 2020. Maybe? God knows.

I know this appreciation post will only be another entries I post during Olympics. Four years more, I will be reading this post and smile and think wow I was such a huge fangirl haha. There will be no more Michael Phelps after this. I was hoping with my whole heart so he can come back for four years more. But when I see his baby, Boomer :') After these years, Michael Phelps should be with his son and Nicole as much as he wanted his father to be by his side when he was a kid. To be the best father and soon-to-be husband. It is an honour to see him swimming, and now he deserves to rest.

To watch his success since I was 12 and now I am graduating soon. To see him at the peak of his career, then having to watch him at his lowest point, and see him rise back again. To see him bringing back 28 Olympic medals back home. To see him inspiring Joseph Schooling to beat his idol. To see him handling defeat well. To see him and little baby P growing. To witness every success of Michael Phelps and his journey. To make Olympics is more exciting to watch. I could not be any happier and prouder. And with that.. thank you, Michael Phelps.

Thank you, so much for the memories.